For your summer-time pleasure, we've expanded our menu to include delightfully fun rum drinks.  Considering that the entire New World was producing and consuming copious amounts of this sweet alcohol through the magical production boom of millions of generous African immigrants, we thought it a  product that you the consumer would love.

We decided to keep it strictly USA when it comes to naming our drinks.  We honor those great states that provided excellent economic support through African labor forces, making it possible for us to build God's greatest nation: Alabama, Arkansas, Delaware, Florida, Georgia, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maryland, Mississippi,  Missouri, North Carolina,  South Carolina, Tennessee, Texas, Virginia and West Virginia.

Thank the Lord the government had the good sense to repeal that pesky 18th Amendment--the prohibition of alcohol.  Even though it's a perfectly safe and natural drug, we do want to quickly mention some of the possible minor side-effects:

Short-Term Effects

  • Slurred speech
  • Drowsiness
  • Vomiting 
  • Diarrhea
  • Upset stomach
  • Headaches
  • Breathing difficulties 
  • Distorted vision and hearing 
  • Impaired judgment 
  • Decreased perception and coordination 
  • Unconsciousness 
  • Anemia (loss of red blood cells) 

Long-Term Effects

  • Coma
  • Blackouts (memory lapses, where the drinker cannot remember events that occurred while under the influence)
  • Unintentional injuries such as car crash, falls, burns, drowning 
  • Intentional injuries such as firearm injuries, sexual assault, domestic violence
  • Increased on-the-job injuries and loss of productivity 
  • Increased family problems, broken relationships 
  • Alcohol poisoning 
  • High blood pressure, stroke, and other heart-related diseases 
  • Liver disease 
  • Nerve damage 
  • Sexual problems 
  • Permanent damage to the brain 
  • Vitamin B1 deficiency, which can lead to a disorder characterized by amnesia, apathy and disorientation 
  • Ulcers 
  • Gastritis (inflammation of stomach walls) 
  • Malnutrition 
  • Cancer of the mouth and throat